Caring for One Another

Grampa leads the youngest cooks in making Cranberry Sauce

I have this clear memory from when I was maybe 11 years old, of being at my friend’s house just before mealtime and everyone was pitching in- setting the table and all those things you do as mealtime draws near. I knew I should be helping -- my parents often rolled their eyes at me over the years saying “why are you just standing there and not helping” -- but I just had no clear idea what needed to be done and how I could help, or even where the plates were kept in this strange kitchen. I carried that feeling with me for many years, that “helping” was something everyone had figured out except me.

As I watched my son growing up, I’ve seen him get better and better at helping – how to hold a door open, how to set the table. This year at Thanksgiving he knew without anyone telling him that you have to make the cranberry sauce early in the day before the kitchen gets too busy and he asked when we were aiming to serve dinner so the Mashed potatoes would be warm. It was such a gift to know those parts of the meal were taken care of, and I cherish the sweet memories of 15 Thanksgivings of mentoring with the cooking team it took to get there.

I understand as a middle-aged person what my 11 year old self didn’t, that learning how to lend a hand takes time and experience. As last month’s potluck seemed to magically assemble itself, folks having arrived early to set up tables and gather food, we chatted about how the skills of potlucking transfer from one congregation to another. How even if you’ve never potlucked with a particular community before, and don’t know where they keep their fold up tables or how to run the dishwasher, you know everything needs to go back to the kitchen at the end, and someone’s going to have to get the crumbs off the floor.

Likewise, once you have been a parent, or cared for a baby, you glance at a fussy baby and exhausted parent and realize it might be helpful to offer “would you like me to take the baby for a bit?” And then feel confident parent hands the child to you. I was a religious educator for 3 years before I had my son nick, but after attending church with a little one in tow I suddenly saw with new eyes how we could be more supportive to parents of young children, noticing obvious oversites like the total lack of highchairs, or failing to consider bedtimes when scheduling meetings to name a couple.

Helping is a skill that evolves and gets better with time and experience. One of the silver linings of our own struggles is that we know what helped us when we needed help. I was able to help a friend jump start his car because my friend’s dad had taught me back when I was a teenager driving an ancient car with a tired old battery. There are things you know, each of you, because of what you’ve been through. You know what helped you, or the help you needed but didn’t get, or the supposedly helpful things people tried that were no help at all.

Even if you don’t have any idea how to set up for a potluck, or visit a friend in the hospital, I would like this congregation to a place where we learn from one another about what helps. I chose today’s story because it says something important about what we, as a church community, can offer one another. It’s hard when we can’t fix what’s broken -- it hurts us so much to see a friend in need, but as the little girl in the story told her friends, what she most wanted from them was help with her loneliness. We should try not to let our inexperience and fear of getting it wrong keep us from doing the most important thing we can do- which is extending our care to one another.

Even in the everyday work of the church, I am always touched when someone asks “can I give you a hand with that?” there is something so reassuring, even if you say “no thanks, I’ve got it” to know that you are part of a web of support. In his book The Body Keeps The Score Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk explains that social support makes a surprising difference in how we recover from the hard moments of our lives. “Whenever we feel threatened, we instinctively turn to …, social engagement. We call out for help, support and comfort from the people around us. But if no one comes to our aid, or we’re in immediate danger, the organism reverts to a more primitive way to survive, fight or flight.” [p. 82] ”When something distressing happens, we automatically signal our upset in our facial expressions and tone of voice, changes meant to beckon others to come to our assistance. However, if no one responds to our call for help, the threat increases, and the older limbic brain jumps in… mobilizing muscles, heart and lungs for fight or flight.” [p. 84]”

This is wired deep within us- when we feel connected to social support, our nervous systems can relax and go about the work or the healing that needs to be done. If we feel disconnected from social support, our nervous system cranks it up a notch, we end up in a fight or flight response.

As a congregation that serves lovingly, we try to strengthen that interconnected web of social support that connects us all. Like in today’s story, certain suffering is beyond our capacity to fix or resolve, but we do the things we can do to help one another feel supported, feel connected. My friends were in marriage counseling a few years back and when one would do something for the other their therapist would ask “and did you receive that as love?” When someone offers to feed your cats while you are in the hospital or on vacation, it’s not just a practical help, it is a reminder of the love that holds us all.

A couple of concrete tips for showing our care for one another. It is always lovely to ask “can I give you a hand with that?” By asking, the other person can consent, can receive it or decline. Sometimes when we are not doing well, we just don’t even know what we need, so it’s often good practice to offer specific things- Can I give you a ride to the doctor? Do you need me to pick up some groceries for you? The other nice thing about making a concrete offer is that then we can be clear about what we are able to give. Because of course there is no limit to the help the world needs, so we must discern inside ourselves what we are able to give, what we specifically feel called to give.

In the Athens congregation at least 10 years ago we started something called the “caring circle”- it’s really just an email list of folks who want to know when other members are going through something hard or might need some help. When a beloved member had a stroke years ago, it was through this caring circle that we were able to let each other know she was in the hospital, and concrete things like room number, how she was doing, when visitors were allowed, and who had visited when (we were noticing that many of our hospitalized members got a slew of visitors after church Sunday, more visitors than a sick person should really have, and then no visitors during the week). Those who had more experience with hospital visits and strokes were able to offer concrete suggestions to those of us who weren’t quite sure what we could do. Being part of the caring circle doesn’t obligate anyone to do anything, we invite each person to discern for themselves what they are willing and able to give, as part of the wider web of community.

We came up with a little handout, a little script for when you reach out to someone for the first time:

• How are you, what’s going on?
• Is it okay if I tell the minister?
• Is it okay if I tell the caring circle?
• Can I share it at Joys and concerns?
• Would you like: 
• Calls?
• Visits?
• Meals?
• Rides?
• Any other way we could help?
• Does your partner or family need any support? If so what is their name and contact information?

A few years back, we had a conversation after church “how can I help” and we talked about what was helpful and not helpful. One member offered that what she most liked when she was in the hospital was to receive a nice plant to cheer her room. We went around the circle, and soon one person shared “If I am in the hospital, please don’t bring me a plant.” We had a good laugh. Some folks feel better knowing their congregation is aware they have a big surgery coming up, other folks are very private, and prefer not to share until the worst is past. One person shared that she liked to hear people’s messages on her voice mail, but also appreciated one who said “you don’t have to call me back” because she was feeling the weight of having to keep up with all the people reaching out.

What has been helpful to you? What do you wish your helpers had known?

One of the things I have always loved about both our churches is the way people pitch in and help. When our beloved Jason died this summer, the Cortland congregation jumped into action and put on memorials and a lunch without even being asked. We knew people would need a place to gather and support one another, we knew the healing properties of both worship and food. Consider the Goodie Bags we delivered during the times of Covid Isolation- these clearly provide no concrete help but folks tell us when they received our goodie bags, that gesture of connection helped them feel loved and connected.

There are many times in our lives when we could use a hand- When you are sick at home, or in the hospital. When a loved one has died. When you are moving. When your car breaks down. When you are between jobs. When you just have too many things in your hands and need help opening a door. As a congregation committed to “serving lovingly” we keep an eye out for these moments when folks could use a hand. Our goal is not to meet every need- it’s humanly impossible. We help one another so that we remember we are not alone, that we are supported by a web of community and of life. Giving or receiving a helping hand reminds us we are part of something larger than ourselves, a love that holds us all.

The Wisdom of Howard Thurman

Source: Boston University Archives

 The Wisdom of Grandmother Nancy

Howard Thurman’s grandmother, Nancy Ambrose, was a very important person in his life. She had been born into slavery on a large plantation in South Carolina. She was a midwife in Daytona Florida, and people called her “Lady Nancy[i]”

As Thurman was growing up just at the start of the 20th century, he lived with her and his mom, (his dad died when he was 7) and called her the “anchor person in our family.”

One of Thurman’s responsibilities growing up was to read to his grandmother from the bible each day. She told him that “Whenever her owner’s wife saw her little daughter trying to teach … grandmother the alphabet or one, two, three, she would chastise the child and send her to bed without supper.” grandmother said: “I saw there must be some magic in knowing how to read and write."

Remembering her, Thurman recalled the stories she would tell occasionally about her time as an enslaved person, about how “sometimes the plantation owner’s minister would be permitted to hold a religious service for the slaves, and he always preached from the same text: ‘Slaves, be obedient to your masters, for this is right in the Lord.’ … grandmother said that she made up her mind then and there that if she ever learned to read or if freedom ever came she would never read that part of the Bible.” …”. So all the years that I was growing and had the job of reading to her every day, I could never read any of the Pauline letters, except now and then the 13th chapter of I Corinthians.[ii]

Thurman told a reporter many year’s later, in his own words:“My grandmother’s second story is even more important to me, but in a different way. She would talk about the times when a slaver preacher was permitted to hold services for the slaves of her master’s and all the neighboring plantations.

I don’t remember how often this happened, but that that it happened at all was tremendously important. And then my sister and I would be every still, because we knew what she was going to tell us – this: “It didn’t matter what the text was, the minister always ended up at the same place.”... Then she would say: “he would stand up, start very quietly and then look around to all of us in the room and then he would say, ‘You are not slaves, you are not n____ – you are God’s children’. . .” And you know, when my grandmother said that she would unconsciously straighten up, head high and chest out, and a faraway look would come on her face.” [iii]

That phrase “you are God’s children” and that strength he saw in his grandmother inspired much of his writing and work. The same writing which inspired Martin Luther King and many others who made a huge difference in our country.

Image Source: Journey Films

The Wisdom of Howard Thurman

Rev. Howard Thurman was a minister, a professor, a writer. He was raised Baptist, and preached and taught in the Baptist tradition, but also helped found the Church of the Fellowship of All Peoples in San Francisco -- the first, interracial, intercultural chapel in the united states. This is how I was introduced to Thurman’s work during seminary, as their current minister Dorsey Blake was a professor at my school. Blake told us that many white seminary students were drawn to Thurman for his mysticism, but he wanted us to understand the racial context our of which they grew. For Thurman mysticism and the work for social change flowed naturally from one another.

Thurman had visited Mahatma Ghandi with a delegation to India in 1935, which was formative in his life and thought, and was part of the connection between the American civil rights movement and the philosophy of non-violent resistance.

It is said that the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King kept a “well thumbed copy” of “Jesus and the disinherited” in his pocket during the days of the Montgomery bus boycotts. [i] which Thurman wrote in 1949, so today I’d like to share some readings from that important work with you. To share the beauty and care of his words with you today. Thurman begins:

“Many and varied are the interpretations dealing with the teachings and the life of Jesus of Nazareth. But few of these interpretations deal with what the teachings and the life of Jesus have to say to those who stand, at a moment in human history, with their backs against the wall.”

To those who need profound succor and strength to enable them to live in the present with dignity and creativity, Christianity often has been sterile and of little avail. The Conventional Christian word is muffled, confused, and vague. Too often the price exacted by society for security and respectability is that the Christian movement in its formal expression must be on the side of the strong against the weak. This is a matter of tremendous significance, for it reveals to what extent a religion that was born of a people acquainted with persecution and suffering has become the cornerstone of a civilization and of nations whose very position in modern life has too often been secured by a ruthless use of power applied to weak and defenseless peoples… "

"It is not a singular thing to hear a sermon that defines what should be the attitude of the Christian toward people who are less fortunate than himself. Again and again our missionary appeal is on the basis of the Christian responsibility to the needy, the ignorant, and the so-called backward peoples of the earth. There is a certain grandeur and nobility in administering to another’s need out of one’s fullness and plenty. . . . It is certainly to the glory of Christianity that it has been most insistent on the point of responsibility to others whose only claim upon one is the height and depth of their need. This impulse at the heart of Christianity is the human will to share with others what one has found meaningful to oneself elevated to the height of a moral imperative. But there is a lurking danger in this very emphasis. It is exceedingly difficult to hold oneself free from a certain contempt for those whose predicament makes moral appeal for defense and succor. It is the sin of pride and arrogance that has tended to vitiate the missionary impulse and to make of it an instrument of self-righteousness on the one hand and racial superiority on the other.”

Thurman is noticing that much of what the church offered folks “with their back against the wall” is a call for the more fortunate to help them in their need. Unfortunately, Thurman notices, this can give the folks helping a sense of pride and superiority to those one his helping.

“…It has long been a matter of serious moment that for decades we have studied the various peoples of the world and those who live as our neighbors as objects of missionary endeavor and enterprise without being at all willing to treat them either as brothers or as human beings. I say this without rancor, because it is not an issue in which vicious human beings are involved. But it is one of the subtle perils of a religion which calls attention—to the point of overemphasis, sometimes—to one’s obligation to administer to human need.

“I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times that I have heard a sermon on the meaning of religion, of Christianity, to the man who stands with his back against the wall. It is urgent that my meaning be crystal clear. The masses of men live with their backs constantly against the wall. They are the poor, the disinherited, the dispossessed. What does our religion say to them?”[in For the Inward Journey p. 121-123]

This message that is over 70 years old dovetails exactly with our own growing edge as a movement. For so long UU has focused on how we could support those less fortunate than ourselves, but the COIC has asked us instead to take up Howard Thurman’s question- what good is our faith to those who live with their backs against the wall? We are asked now, at this moment in history, to devote ourselves to deepening a theology of liberation, to speak to those of us who are disinherited, the dispossessed. If we are going to live our dream of becoming an anti oppressive faith, this is at the core of our work.

In Jesus and the disinherited Thurman suggests that :

“Fear is one of the persistent hounds of hell that dog the footsteps of the poor, the dispossessed, the disinherited” [p. 138]. “Always back of the threat is the rumor or the fact that somewhere, under some similar circumstances, violence was used. That is all that is necessary. The threat becomes the effective instrument” [p. 140] “Through bitter experience they have learned how to exercise extreme care, how to behave so as to reduce the threat of immediate danger from their environment.” …” The threat of violence within a framework of well-nigh limitless power is a weapon by which the weak are held in check. Artificial limitations are placed upon them, restricting freedom of movement, of employment, and of participation in the common life. These limitations are given formal or informal expression in general or specific policies of separateness or segregation. These policies tend to freeze the social status of the insecure.

The threat of violence may be implemented not only by constituted authority but also by anyone acting oin behalf of the established order. Every member of the controllers’ group is in a sense a special deputy, authorized by the mores to enforce the pattern. This fact tends to create fear, which works on behalf of the proscriptions and guarantees them. The anticipation of possible violence makes it very difficult for any escape from the pattern to be effective. [p. 141-142]

 “Even recourse to the arbitration of the law tends to be avoided because of the fear that the interpretation of law will be biased on the side of the dominant group.” [p. 144]

How familiar does this sound in 2023 - the threat of violence from police, from social systems, that crushes the soul, and circumscribes the lives of many in our time as it did in Thurman’s and in King’s time.

Again Thurman asks: “The crucial question, then, is this: Is there any help to be found in the religion of Jesus that can be of value here? It is utterly beside the point to examine here what the religion of Jesus suggests to those who would be helpful to the disinherited…No man wants to be the object of his fellow’s pity. Obviously, if the strong put forth a great redemptive effort to change the social, political, and economic arrangements in which they seem to find their basic security, the whole picture would be altered. But his is apart from my thesis. Again the crucial question: Is there any help to be found for the disinherited in the religion of Jesus?” [p. 145]

Though Thurman speaks with more explicitly Christian language than we generally used in our churches today, the good news he offers is our good news too. Thurman was a universalist (small u) which he learned from his grandmother. Who learned it from that preacher on the plantations of her childhood- that each of us is a “child of God”

Thurman’s proposes: 

“The core of the analysis of Jesus is that man is a child of God, the God of life that sustains all of nature and guarantees all the intricacies of the life-process itself. Jesus suggests that it is quite unreasonable to assume that God, whose creative activity is expressed even in such details as the hairs of a man’s head, would exclude from his concern the life, the vital spirit, of the man himself. This idea—that God is mindful of the individual—is of tremendous import in dealing with fear as a disease. In this world the socially disadvantaged man is constantly given a negative answer to the most important personal questions upon which mental health depends: “Who am I? What am I?”

The first question has to do with a basic self-estimate, a profound sense of belonging, of counting If a man feels that he does not belong in the way in which it is perfectly normal for other people to belong, then he develops a deep sense of insecurity. When this happens to a person, it provides the basic material for what the psychologist calls an inferiority complex. It is quite possible for a man to have no sense of personal inferiority as such, but at the same time to be dogged by a sense of social inferiority. The awareness of being a child of God tends to stabilize the ego and results in a new courage, fearlessness, and power. I have seen it happen again and again.”

(I hear in Thurman’s wisdom, the stirring words of the preacher who assured them “you are not slaves. You are God’s children.” )

Thurman continues “This established for them the ground of personal dignity, so that a profound sense of personal worth could absorb the fear reaction. This alone is not enough, but without it, nothing else is of value.

The first task is to get the self immunized against the most radical results of the threat of violence. When this is accomplished, relaxation takes the place of the churning fear. The individual now feels that he counts, that he belongs. He senses the confirmation of his roots, and even death becomes a little thing.”

When we UUs speak today about a love which holds us all, our love must be big enough to hold this. When Thurman encouraged us to “keep open the doors of our hearts” in today’s reading, it is not about a charity to the less fortunate, but the power of the individual and our relationship to the divine, to choose love instead of hate. We must know so deeply that we count, that we belong, that it confirms us like a tree rooted in a place of belonging, even in the midst of oppression and fear. When our backs are to the wall, our work for justice begins in our own soul – our integrity, our authentic voice. These allow one to be strong and live a life of meaning, and intimacy with the sacred that return power and agency to those of us who have been disinherited.

When we look at God’s universal love, or as the principles say “the inherent worth and dignity” with this in mind, we see how deep and important this theological anchor is to the work of justice and the meaning of our lives. “No easy sentimentality” as Thurman writes, but a blueprint for the future of our faith.

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Notes:

 The Story of Nancy AMbrose:

[i] https://sojo.net/magazine/november-2020/story-howard-thurman-kept-telling-about-race

[ii] For a quick perspective on the impact of this story, and alternate views on Paul https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhPXBSESGVQ

[iii] https://genius.com/Mary-e-goodwin-racial-roots-and-religion-an-interview-with-howard-thurman-annotated

 The Wisdom of Howard Thurman:

[i] https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/this-theologian-helped-mlk-see-value-nonviolence-180967821/

 I am using the edition included in For the Inward Journey: The Writing s fo Howard Hutmrn, but a PDF of hte whole book can be found here.

Finding Center

This time of year, after the winter holidays, when days are short, and even the squirrels spend much of the day hunkering down in their shelter, there is a possibility of drawing inward, of being moved by the stillness and relative quiet of midwinter. For some of us this is a welcome opportunity for contemplation, for others it is just bleak.

Today I want to offer some concrete guidance for this contemplative time, specifically focused on “finding center”. Many contemplative and psychological traditions speak of the value of centering, which is actually something pretty ordinary we all can do. To me finding my center feels like disentangling all the loose threads of my life, the projects, the relationships, the drama, even the input of sound and sight, like pulling all the tendrils of my attention back in toward myself. “here I am!” It might feel simple, or peaceful, or solid, or balanced. I like the metaphor of “coming home” to oneself.

And like when we come home after a day of work, or our travels, what we find when we arrive there is highly personal and individual. Perhaps some of us this morning feel rested and full after the holiday time. I confess to you, however, that after a couple of weeks of preparation, and services, and visitors and traveling, I am a bit wiped out, and somewhat off my game. When we arrived home on Monday, after visiting my sister in Boston, we were so ready to be home, but we were also exhausted and spent, and while grateful to be back, all of us noticed this week that reentry was a challenge. Just so, when we return to our metaphorical center, we might feel the relief or arriving back where we belong, the peace of letting go of all those threads, or a post-holiday jumble needing our attention.

If there are no guarantees of peace or bliss when we find our center, why bother? The world is big and complex. We can’t even experience it all, let alone fix it all. When we find our own center, we can tell what is ours, and what is ours to do. Our center is a good place to be for discernment -- there is a truth and a clarity available when we center ourselves. When we are off adventuring in mind or body, it’s easy to say to our concerns “not now” but when I come home to myself I often feel grumpy- that doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong, because I don’t feel peace, it means that this is the truth of what is real for me in the moment- I ate too many cookies, didn’t get enough sleep, and I still have all the holiday decorations and supplies to put away before I can get back to normal. When I centered myself this week, it was clear to me that I’m depleted and out of sorts, and grounded in that truth I could make choices. The center s the place where I know myself, this is where I must return to know the truth that only I can know.

Our center is also where we are the strongest. When we center, we bring all our energy, our attention to where we are located in this time and place. Think of a squirrel skittering around a big old tree – that trunk can hold so much weight, it doesn’t even notice the squirrel. But as the squirrel gets closer and closer to the end of the branch, it sways and buckles and sometimes breaks. This week I had the delight of watching a juvenile squirrel learning how far out a branch he could safely travel, and how much branch he needed to support him. The squirrels know, when the branches sway, to scramble back to the center. The center is where they build their nests.

This is why it can be useful to find your center in tumultuous times. To bring your sense of self, your attention, your energy to the core of who you are, as you understand it. In the same way that during a hurricane, people are encouraged to go to the center of their home -- a small downstairs room in the interior. Imagine a part of yourself like that- a small interior space where you are ready for whatever storms may come. Perhaps you have experienced this, a time of trouble when you felt centered and ready, you were able to set aside all the distractions, and just focus on the important thing in the moment.

Finding center is not a place we reach once and for all, but a place from which we come and go. As we return again and again to our center, we can cultivate our capacity to center ourselves. For me, rolling out the yoga mat and practicing asana is quite reliable in helping me center myself. My yoga matt becomes like a tiny home base no matter where I travel on my outward or inward journeys. More ordinary things are useful too- like taking a walk, or sitting and having a cup of coffee. Boy there is something about just holding my favorite coffee cup in my hands warm with coffee that helps me settle into myself, into my day. I wonder what it is for you? [pause] Because each of us is absolutely unique, so is what we experience, and so there are many tools and practices that we can use to find center.

I’d like to try a couple of experiments with you now. Please listen to your inner wisdom about these practices, and notice what feels interesting, and especially if you hear feedback “this is not for me right now.” Everything is optional.

First let’s start by finding any place in your body that feels good or neutral-- boring, ordinary even... If any of these experiments don’t work for you, just return to that spot. How nice to have someplace ordinary and neutral to return to.

Next, let’s try another one, notice your breath just however it is naturally, and bring your attention to the tip of your nose, just where the air comes in and out, just notice that for a few breaths. ..

If your attention wanders, just gently invite it back, each time like a fresh homecoming...

When you’re ready you can let that go, or stick with it if you are enjoying that.

Now try bringing your attention and sense of self into your feet, or whatever your weight is resting on. Let your attention pool and settle there...

Last, I invite you to bring your attention into the center of your chest, the place we associate with the heart. Allow your attention to fill up the whole volume of your chest and just notice the way the chest rises and falls with the breath...

Now expand your attention to your whole self. What do you notice? How do you feel? There are no wrong answers...

There is a truism in astrophysics that “Any spot in the Universe can be considered the center, with equal validity.”[i] In a way we are like that, we can chose where to center our attention as we just did. For me when I focus on my nose, it has a clear precise quality when I settle into it. When I focus on my feet or legs or wherever my weight is resting, I feel very grounded, strong like a mountain. Usually when I meditate, I choose the center of my chest, which helps me get in touch with my own feelings, and with my compassion and connection for others. But if I am sad or worried, I prefer to settle into my feet, or some other strong, stable place.

Many traditions teach a variety of paths to finding center, but it is not the only state of mind taught by the spiritual traditions. Sometimes when people talk about a religious experience, they talk about transcending the ordinary and the everyday, or losing their sense of self, about dissolving into the hugeness of something larger. Sometimes we cultivate a diffuse sense of awareness, where we are listening to everything around us, or just trying to fall asleep. Often when I sit on my porch in the spring I bring this kind of diffuse receptive awareness, which I find to be the best mindset to learn things about what’s happening in my ecosystem.

The point of being alive is not just to be perfectly centered at all times. One very important part of our work as UUs is learning how to de-center ourselves. If we always think of ourselves as the center of the universe, we can’t grow in compassion and our viewpoint will be limited. That’s part of what’s challenging and wonderful about building community- learning to be open to one another’s point of view, to do things in the service of others. When we visit a loved one in the hospital, for example, it’s good to leave our own concerns at the door, and be attentive to what they need in the moment. At the same time, folks who are used to being other-centered, will find it a real challenge to find and speak from their own center. I have a friend who always answers the question “how are you” by telling me how her family is. And so we practice finding our own center, and we also practice centering others. Whenever I hear myself saying “so and so is making me feel a certain way” this is a clue I’m off center. I can’t change so and so, but from the point of view of my own center, I can determine what is mine to do, and how I want to respond. If we practice returning to the center, asking ourselves “what do you need in this situation, what do you want, what do you feel?” eventually it helps disentangle from the situation just enough so that we can discern a path forward with integrity to themselves and autonomy of the other.

This is especially true when it comes to anti-oppressive work; folks who have the privilege of having their point of view centered and normalized, can practice stepping out of the center and inviting in the voices of those who have traditionally been on the margins. At the same time, folks who are used to being decentered, we invite to courageously speak from their own center.

My invitation to you this week is a playful one. Just notice, from time to time, whether you feel centered, and when you feel something else- decentered, expansive, diffuse, scattered. All of these ways of being have a use, and it’s nice to be able to choose to return to center when that would be helpful. I invite you to experiment- how do you know when you have found center? what helps you find your center? What takes you out of our center? Are there things you can do to help yourself return to center? Just notice and explore, experiment and play. Let us offer one another support and blessings for our return journey home, again and again and again.

 

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[i] https://bigthink.com/hard-science/center-of-the-universe/