Early Monday morning, I took my dog Trey in for x-rays to see what was wrong with his heart. I had been warned that x-rays might be stressful for him, and the vet came out to the parking lot to tell me they were worried about his open mouth breathing - that maybe he was not getting enough oxygen. After we got home, Trey was restless, and could not stop open mouth breathing. I was also anxious and restless.
Later, when my dog was settled at home my friend and I decided to walk into town for lunch. I liked this idea, because I know that sometimes a physical activity helps me settle when I’ve been anxious. As we were walking, she asked me to slow down- I apologized and explained I was anxious. She said “remember to slow your breathing” and pantomimed what slow breathing would look like. I suddenly felt full of anger, but I knew what that was about.
Imagine a ladder representing our nervous system. (The fancy name for this is the Autonomic Ladder.) At the bottom of the ladder is "freeze"; when animals, including us, are very fearful, they freeze up. When we feel safe enough to unfreeze, we don’t just go back to our peaceful lives -- we might need to run to a safe place, so the next stop up the ladder is fight/flight.
(Another way to think about it is that the anxiety builds up a charge in our nervous system, we need a way to discharge it before we can calm down.)
Sure enough, my friend and I walked, slower now, all over the commons doing errands and eventually finding a spot for lunch. By the time we sat down for lunch I felt like my regular self again, my heart had slowed, my breathing had slowed. I knew my dog was safe, and I felt safe with my friend. That’s the state at the top of the ladder, where we feel safe and calm.
For me this past Monday, a long brisk walk all over town was just the right practice to shift me to a state where I could enjoy lunch with my friend.
Sometimes when we gather in worship we offer practices, like silent meditation, or the meditation on breathing. Notice how you feel when you try them.
For some people meditating on breathing is very peaceful, like in the Children's story: Peaceful Piggy Mediation.
But every time I’ve ever invited folks into a time of silent stillness there is always someone who definitely feels worse.
Mindfulness, silent meditation, meditation on breathing are some of the oldest resilience practices. They work for a lot of people, but not for everyone, and can be particularly hard, and sometimes even contraindicated for folks with PTSD.
In the past few decades there has been illuminating new research about the nervous system that helps us understand why that not every practice works for everyone. We’ve learned it’s not really helpful to push yourself to do something that makes you feel more stressed.[i]
If someone suggests a resilience practice to you that doesn’t feel right to you, I encourage you to honor that inner wisdom. Finding ways to support our nervous system when we are frozen, when we want to fight or run away, and when we feel safe and social, this is an important part of growing resilience.
Notes:
1) Here's a great podcast on the topic of Trauma and Mindfulness if you want to learn more:
https://www.liberatedbeing.community/podcast/episode/1b83492c/ep-100-trauma-sensitive-mindfulness-with-david-treleaven
2) If you are looking for practices that specifically are designed to take into account all parts of the ladder, I can recommend the "resilience Toolkit" https://theresiliencetoolkit.co/ I've taken the intro class and found some great practices that have been useful in my own life..
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