Blessings

Receiving Blessings

“Count your blessings” we tell ourselves, by which we mean “remember to be grateful for each good thing in our lives, each thing that could have been otherwise”. We remember to be grateful for our privileges, for our gifts. We are grateful for those things which came to us, unearned, through inheritance or good luck. We are grateful for those things which resulted from our own work, which doesn’t always guarantee a particular outcome, but this time turned out the way we wanted.

In their book Jewish Ritual: A Brief Introduction for Christians - By: Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky & Rabbi Daniel Judson, They write:

“There is a blessing for almost everything in Judaism. There is a blessing for getting up in the morning, for going to sleep, for eating, for seeing wondrous things, for experiencing new things, for the occurrence of good things, for the unfortunate occurrence of bad things, for hearing the news of someone's death, for seeing someone you have not seen in a long time, for going to the bathroom, for studying Torah, for going on a journey, for fulfilling almost any religious commandment, and for just about everything else in life.“

Not all of those are occasions which we would consider a blessing, but blessings are not only the good things that happen in our lives, but the sacred which can be present in the ordinary things, and the hard things too. I have often read from the poetry of Jan Richardson during these challenging times - she writes blessings for hard times, confusing times, even in grief and despair and anger. These are what some would call spiritual blessings, that we receive and know or wish for one another. In her beautiful book "Circle of Grace" Richardson writes:

“I found myself enchanted and compelled by the power of a blessing; how in the space of a few lines, the stuff of pain, grief and death becomes the very substance of hope.” [xiii]

“The best blessings awaken our imaginations. In places of difficult, struggle or pain, blessings beckon us to look closely rather than turn away. In such places, they challenge us not to accept how things are but to dream of how they could be transformed. They invite us to discern how God might be calling us to participate in bringing this transformation to pass [xvi-xvii]”

Blessings help us to be open to grace, encourage us to stay open to that which we can’t control, but most deeply wish.

In our congregation, we gave out tiny jars of strawberry preserves, so I invite you now to hold in your hand or in your minds eye a jar of something delicious as you consider...

What blessings do you need?

Blessings for the hard times as well as the good...

What is your hearts deepest wish, your spirit’s hunger?

And when it is time to eat your jelly, imagine your heart and spirit being nourished as well, taste the sweetness of that blessing.

Blessings for the World

"You must answer this question:
What will you do with your gifts?
Choose to bless the world."

 

Rev. Rebecca Parker encourages us to be a blessing to the world. Whatever blessings or privileges or gifts or consolations we receive, these are not for us alone. Our Unitarian Universalist theology calls us not to an ultimate fulfillment of our own peace or hope or healing or joy, but to bless the world with all we receive. In my own practice I have noticed that sometimes my own gifts are actually amplified when I share them, when I understand myself not as a repository of those gifts, but a channel to keep those blessings moving out into the world to whoever else needs those same blessings I have received.

Certainly, if you have been in grief and received comfort, if you have been lonely and been blessed with companionship, you may find you also have an increased sense of calling and capacity to notice others who might need that blessing, and some sensitivity in how to pass it along.

Once you have enjoyed the contents of your jar, I invite you , over the summer, to fill up your jar with water from wherever you find yourself, whether that be the kitchen sink, the garden hose, the water cooler at work, or the lake you visited.

I also invite you to imagine filling up your jar with blessings -- to notice, what blessings you are receiving and how do you want to bless the world? In the fall we will gather for our water in-gathering, and bless one another.
As you hold that jar in your hand, I invite you ask your deepest truest self a question we can live into all summer long:

How is each of us is called to bless the world? 

How are You called to bless the world?

Gold Star!

I want to let you in on an inside joke in our family- it started one day when I proudly explained I had finished some household chore, and my partner replied “what do you want, a gold star?” “Sure!” I replied. We give out imaginary gold stars all the time these days, and sometimes real ones, like the giant gold star he got me for Christmas a few years back that hangs on the kitchen wall where so many chores are done.

I give myself lots of gold stars, now that I know the trick of it. For example, whenever you complete a chore you’ve been dreading, especially if it involves waiting on hold for a long time, or cleaning up something smelly, feel free to give yourself a gold star. When I completed our taxes, I let Eric know I had given myself 4 gold stars. “How many gold stars can you have?” he asked “as many as you need’ I said. “You can just give yourself gold stars any time you want? As many as you want?” “Any time you think you deserve one” I replied.

It doesn’t have to be a chore, I gave myself a lot of gold stars after my father died. I wanted to remember that grieving is hard, that just staying present, just making it through one more day of grief was something I could affirm. In a moment when I needed some encouragement I found a gold pencil and started drawing gold stars in my journal as a reminder that it's okay to encourage myself when the going is hard.

On the day we celebrated graduations in church, I brought  several sheets of gold stars and stars of all colors and shapes and invited the our members and friends, as I invite you now, to think back over this past year...

What things did you accomplish , survive, recover from, grow, achieve that you know in your heart was hard for you?

Perhaps it would help to think of your inner 4 year old- imagine your little 4 year old self-- what would she/ he/ they want to be celebrated and seen from this past year? If that's too much to contemplate, please just give yourself a gold star for waking up this morning, for facing a new day.

We make a big deal when people graduate, or get a new job, but sometimes it's important to celebrate the ordinary everyday accomplishments. Whenever you need a little encouragement to do what needs to be done, feel free to give yourself a star- as many as you need.

Pride!

Happy LGBTQAI+ everyone! Today we celebrate as a beloved community; we are gay and straight and cis and trans and fluid together. This celebration is a logical and beautiful expression of our affirmation of the “inherent worth and dignity of every person.”

Centering and decentering has been part of this movement since the earliest years. Some of you are old enough to remember when it used to be just called “Gay” pride, but early on Lesbian feminists spoke up, noticing that name erased them, and so we talked about “Gay and Lesbian” liberation. Bisexual and Transgender folks found themselves often at the margins of the community, and so we started talking about the LGBT community beginning in the mid-to-late 1980s. We now say LGBTQAI+ to name more of those folks who we need to name and center in the community, or as some folks call it the “QUILTBAG.” The longer we think about gender and sexual orientation, the longer we live into the fluidity of it, the more complex it becomes. There are a lot of issues we could be looking at, fighting for, a lot of voices we could be hearing today, so how do we choose? Who needs to be at the center of our celebration today? The Transforming Hearts Collective writes that:

“’Centering’ is a concept that speaks to whose worldview is most affirmed and whose voices are loudest; whose perspective is treated as “normal,” and thus at the center, and whose perspective is treated as “different,” and thus at the margins.”[i]

Part of our work in becoming an anti-oppressive faith is to “center” folks who have historically been at the margins. As a cis-bi (or pan) white woman, I don’t need to be at the center of Pride. I’ve been married to a cis white man for almost 30 years, and I have access to all the privileges that entails. Today I want to lift up today all of you who never thought you could be married, who never dreamed marriage would be legal in our lifetimes, who had to create complex legal contracts or get married multiple times in multiple states to protect your partner and your union, folks who had to adopt their own children to make sure they were legally protected. Let’s shine a little pride on those folks shall we?

Today, as we celebrate Pride month, we lift up everyone in our community who has had to chose between coming out and keeping a job, everyone who has been bullied or felt afraid for their own physical safety because of who you are. Who has lost friends or family when you told them how it really is with you.

We lift up all our elders who came out and took big risks that made a different life possible for my generation and the younger generations. Let’s sine some more pride on them.

I’d like to take a moment now and just bring in our hearts and minds what needs to be spoken this year at Pride. What would you or a family member or friend would want to be given voice in the LGBTQAI+ community?

Right now in our country there are folks who are really struggling because of their gender or sexual orientation, especially folks with multiple intersecting identities, There is, for example, a terrible homelessness crisis among trans women of color[ii] and an ongoing tragedy of violence toward trans women. I know members of our congregations have been victims of violence and bigotry in the Valley where the Athens church is located. We hold today in the center of our hearts those of us who are trans and non-binary. Let’s shine some pride there.

Consider too the laws passed charging parents of transgender children with a crime for supporting their children the best they know how[iii] so we hold with love those of us who are parenting trans or non-binary children.

In our Adult Religious Education classes we often have as part of our covenant “step up, step back” which invites people who are usually at the center of the conversation, to step back and give space for others to speak. And for those who are often quiet, or don’t speak their truth because it seems risky or because they were not given the space, to step up and let us hear their voice. [iv]

All of us UUs are invited into this exploration of centering, and a continuous discernment in each space we inhabit- who needs to be centered right now? Maybe it’s you. Maybe you know by the nervous shock of energy through your body that your voice, your truth is needed right now. That by saying what you know, by being who you are you offer an authority, a perspective that no one else in the room can offer. When Harvey Milk called us all to “come out” in 1978, hundreds of thousands of us came out all over the world our society had to come to terms with the facts that our parents, children, co-workers, bosses, neighbors were who they were. There is power in speaking the truth, there is power in your voice, there is power in taking the center when you discern that this is your moment. And there is risk. Harvey Milk was assassinated for being who he was, and there are a million other ways that we take a risk by sharing the truth of who we are. You get to decide when and how you offer your voice to the world. That’s part of the discernment each of us gets to do- we don’t have to come out in this moment if it doesn’t feel right to us.

If you are straight and cis, pride month is a great time to de center yourself, to lift up the voices of LGBTQAI+ folks to make space at the microphone, and let folks discern for themselves if this is a moment they want to speak.

As Mariella Mosthof writes in her article “How Allies Can Participate In Pride Without Making It About Themselves”:

“Straight, cis folks have to put in work to decenter themselves at Pride. This mostly comes down to policing your own identity in the space, so that others don't have to, since that can result in queer-identified but straight-passing folks feeling unwelcome in their own community. In other words, be mindful of where you are, who the space is intended for, and how you can best support that group, even if it disrupts your good time.
You can also do the work of looking out for marginalized people in our own communities. Are you supporting organizations that are accessible to low-income queers, who are disproportionately black, brown, and trans? Are you choosing accessible means for your own parties to be inclusive of disabled queers who may wish to virtually attend? Are you carving out time to do community outreach with queer sex workers, queer homeless youth, or incarcerated queers — as well as celebrating this month?
Even though Pride is a celebration, it's important to keep these things in mind and make more space.[v]”

If you discern today that yours is not the voice that needs to be at the center, you can use our turn at the microphone to amplify those who do. There are an amazing abundance of expressions by folks who have chosen to give interviews or write books or articles. For example, all our readings Jackie read today, and our closing words are by LGBTQAI+ UUs.

I’m still learning how to decenter myself, and whenever we are learning new things we make mistakes, we are awkward and clumsy. That’s what learning looks like. I invite you to join me in that learning. Whenever we discern that it’s not our turn to be in the center, whether that’s pride month when we are straight, or Black history month when we are white, or the high holidays of a tradition that is not our own, decentering is a choiceful action we take in the moment, not an erasure of who we are. We don’t need to deflate ourselves, or ignore our own voices, we only step aside for a moment; “after you” we say.

For example, as a feminist, I feel called to support other women to speak their truth in a society that has often erased women, has often asked women to prioritize the needs of others. It took me a while to understand the distinction between decentering and erasing. The challenges I face as a cis woman are not what we are about this morning. That doesn’t mean they are not important, it just means today I step back, and another time I step forward. Let’s imagine this morning I hear something in this service that challenges, or disturbs me, or delights me, or reminds me of a story from my own life. Perhaps it brings up questions I want to explore. That’s great! Now I need to discern, is this a moment where those questions, concerns, feelings, memories would rightly be at the center? If I discern that this is not the moment, I can also ask, where are those spaces where my concern can rightly be at the center? I could bring it to my therapist , spiritual director, (Ministers love that stuff too) Perhaps there are other bi cis women who could listen or help me think things through. Choosing to decenter yourself doesn't mean you don't process your stuff or have your needs, just that you are offering the central space to those who most need it in the moment.

This month as we celebrate Pride, I invite us to step up and step back. When you feel called to share your truth as an LGBTQAI+ person, in invite you to step up and take the risk, to share your voice, to share your stories of struggle and celebration. When you discern that this is a time to decenter yourself, I invite you to step back and leave space for other voices, then to listen deeply and support and amplify those voices that need centering. As a community committed to the work of anti-oppression, we are all invited to this dance, even though sometimes we may trip over each other’s feet. The more we dance together, stepping up and stepping back, the more graceful our dance of centering and decentering will become, until every dancer has a moment to shine as only they can.

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[i] https://www.transformingheartscollective.org/stories/2019/3/8/tips-for-talking-about-the-uu-world-article

[ii] https://time.com/5601227/two-black-trans-women-murders-in-dallas-anti-trans-violence/

https://yourdream.liveyourdream.org/2021/06/violence-against-transgender-women-a-growing-crisis/

https://www.cohsf.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/The-Crisis-of-Transgender-Homelessness.pdf

[iii] https://www.cnn.com/2022/03/01/us/texas-transgender-family-investigation-lawsuit/index.html

[iv] In our UU Minister's association we have adopted something called the “progressive stack” which invites the people to speak first who have historically marginalized identities. We hear a lot of words from cis white people all day long, it’s good to center folks we don’t hear as often, to hear those voices first.

 [v] https://www.bustle.com/p/how-to-participate-in-pride-without-making-it-about-you-9548726